Two Things...

Don't you just love it when God reveals something to you that you have known for quite a while, but have never fully comprehended? That is one of the most fulfilling moments in my day...that "aha!" moment gives me such joy. Thus far today, the Lord has taught me that only when our identities are found in Christ will we find out who we really are. I've known for a while, and recently been reminded through a particular song that I have come to like, that my identity is found in the God I trust; but I had never connected that to the solidification of my true identity as a woman of God. For so long, I had found myself wrapping my identity up in the identities of other people and becoming more and more like them, simply because I did not know myself well enough to know the difference. I had not sought the Lord and asked Him to shape and mold me into the person that I need to be so that I can effectively become who He has created me to be. The Lord has provided me so many confirmations along the way as well, that I've only now recognized. Back in high school, when all I wanted to do was have friends, I would find people who had qualities that I wanted to emulate, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, and changed until I became more and more like them. That characteristic of wanting to emulate the traits of others is exactly what I needed to employ, but I needed to strive to be like Christ rather than other flawed humans. No one wants a friend who is exactly like they are, so as a result, most of those friendships turned south...and because I did not realize what I was doing at the time, I was torn up about those failures. How ironic that one of the people I wanted to be like so badly in high school is now one of my very best friends...but we only became close when I surrendered to God and let Him define me.

My other thought of the day is that I am finding it extremely difficult to discern between what I want and what the Lord wants. There are several situations right now in which I think I know what would be best, but I have to pray for the Lord's will. When I began praying that the Lord would purify my heart, I didn't imagine that He would test me like this so soon...but that is exactly what is going on. I have to choose between praying for a certain thing to happen or for certain doors to open and sincerely praying for the Lord's will. He has proved Himself faithful time and time again, yet somehow I have the audacity to think that I know what is best. This should not be! So...I need to submit.