Being Okay.

(Note: I always spell it "ok"...but my future husband says "okay," so I thought I would try it out for once.)

I have never been someone who can handle uncertainty...it's my biggest fear, but that's a different post altogether. In fact, I tend to fret for a very very long time when I'm not sure what is going to happen in a situation or what is expected of me. If something uncertain is going on during a particular day, I wake up with a sense of dread that plagues me until I realize that everything will, in fact, be more than alright. God's working me through that.

"But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore -- the LORD above is mightier than these!" --Psalm 93:4.

I suppose the way to sum up what I am trying to say is this: God is teaching me to be okay with not knowing what the next step is. He is giving me peace with only being able to see the step I am on until He shines His sovereignty flashlight on the next step on the staircase. If we try to take control and shine our little nightlights farther down the path, it will come to no avail because we will be just as uncertain and blind to the future as we were before. His light is so much more than we can comprehend...we just have to go along with what He tells us to do, because His gazillion-watt bulb shines plenty bright enough.

I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship, letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up, gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet, where I want to be
I am Yours

Whenever I think of the radiance of God and the immaculate light that exudes from Him, I am reminded of Exodus 34:29-30, when Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and he doesn't realize that his face is glowing...He has to put a veil over his face so that he can even be around other people. That's how indescribable the light of God is...that's what we have to look forward to when we can finally see Christ as He really is. Wow.

Philippians.

I think it is safe to say that we have all read the book of Philippians multiple times in our lives. Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians were probably the books that I had read the most before I started having a daily quiet time...because I thought that they were the easiest to read and the most applicable to my life. Then I began exploring the truths of Scripture in other books of the Bible and almost began to shun GEPC, thinking that I was "too far advanced for that stuff" or "above the truths of those baby Christians." How arrogant. That is most certainly NOT the case. Paul talks to the churches in those cities as his equals and speaks to them some of the deepest truths in the Bible.

Think about it: these people were first and second generation Christians...like THE first and second generations of Christians...EVER. They were standing for a faith that had just come on the scene, believing in a man who had just gone off the (earthly) scene...they were mocked and persecuted and laughed at and ridiculed unlike most of us have ever experienced...but they knew that what they were believing in was (is) the truth. These people needed more encouragement to stay true to the faith than churches today do...or so the American church has been led to think. The Christians of GEPC helped spread the Gospel all across their towns, regions, countries, and continent...they were involved in the initial push of evangelism, much truer than the "hellfire and brimstone evangelism" or "social gospel evangelism" that has been reeking havoc in our country.

All that to say: I repent of my prideful attitude in approaching the book of Philippians in the past. I have since turned from that ignorance and learned countless truths from the words of Paul...they are still ringing true today...the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword.

A few interesting notes that I find helpful in making Philippi seem like a real place that actually existed (it used to seem to me like a place resembling Narnia or another mythical land):

--Philippi was named after Philip II, the father of Alexander the Great.
--Philippi became a Roman colony in 42 BC.
--Philippi had a famous school of medicine, and may have been the place where the disciple Luke had studied.
--Paul established the church in Philippi on his second missionary journey in AD 50.

The second you start thinking that something in the Bible doesn't apply to you is the very second that God will start pointing out exactly why you need to hear it.

Breathe.

It would be easy to say that at this point in the semester, this point in the year, this point in my college career, etc., it is completely understandable to be sick and tired of school. And I am. I think that I came to the realization long ago (probably somewhere around fourth grade) that there is a whole lot more to education than homework and reading ridiculous books about the meat-packing industry and Big Brother. So now, almost 12 years after this realization, I think I've had just about all I can take. I know that being a good steward of the talents and opportunities that God has given me is of crucial importance, but I am beginning to recognize that those talents and opportunities lie outside the classroom.

At the beginning of this school year, I had the clear impression that I no longer belong in college. This came as a very abrupt, but welcome, realization since I have spent my entire life rebelling against change and clinging on to whatever felt secure in the past...it was very affirming that God has been working on that in me when He told me that the next chapter of my life is indeed standing before me. And then, 4 months and 12 days ago, the LORD began another new chapter in my life as well! Now, not only am I graduating in a month and a day...I am getting married in 52 days!! And I know that nothing I have ever learned in a textbook can prepare me for that amazingly wonderful journey with my best friend. So, I think that that fact is influencing my increasing apathy towards memorizing things like the different terms of sale in global marketing and the amount of start-up capital needed for a hypothetical business.

"In his heart, man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." --Proverbs 16:9.

Silence.

I am perfectly okay with silence. For me, there is nothing awkward about it. It is in silence that the LORD speaks truth into my life. It is in silence that the most loving glances are exchanged. It is in silence that I reflect on the beauty of my Savior. It is in silence that my heart is calmed. It is in silence that things begin to make more sense.

Silence doesn't have to be total and perpetual quiet...silence is stillness...it is being alright to just sit for a moment...to pause the world around us and just listen. Sometimes, we have been seeking an answer for a long time and God has been trying to give it to us for just as long...we have just been too busy and loud and crowded and claustrophobic to be able to recognize His sovereignty.

Lately, things have been just speeding by at the speed of light...it is so difficult to be able to realize what is actually going on and how those things affect our perceptions. You know when you've been sitting for a long time, just waiting to hear what the LORD has to say, and it seems like clarity never comes? Maybe we have just been conditioned to believe that our answers come from sources other than our fellowship with Christ. He is the Source. The end. Done. He is waiting for you to just stop and listen. Don't pass Him by like you would a homeless person in a big city...don't place Him on so high a pedestal that you think there is no way He would ever want to care for you...don't read Him your grocery list of prayer requests and then bolt out of there to get on to that movie you're about to watch...don't try to preach to Him about the injustices around you.

He knows. He created you. He just wants you to want to spend time with Him. Don't think that you always have to be talking or singing or writing or reading in order to do that. He wants you to walk down the hallway and just worship Him with no words...He wants you to just sit in awe of Him...He wants you to look up at the stars of the heavens and be thankful. The hectic nature of our society has poisoned us. Just let Him rejoice over you with singing...let Him dance over you...be still and know that He is God.

Enough For Today.

There has been so much going on lately...so many changes, so many decisions, so much to think about. I truly am learning that faith is the step between promise and assurance...and even though the Old Testament contains mainly principles for us to follow, not promises for the New Testament Church, God has been teaching me a lot through it.

"Moreover, I have given special skill to all the gifted craftsmen so they can make all the things I have commanded you to make:

the Tabernacle;
the Ark of the Covenant;
the Ark’s cover—the place of atonement;
all the furnishings of the Tabernacle;
the table and its utensils;
the pure gold lampstand with all its accessories;
the incense altar;
the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils;
the washbasin with its stand;
the beautifully stitched garments—the sacred garments for Aaron the priest, and the garments for his sons to wear as they minister as priests;
the anointing oil;
the fragrant incense for the Holy Place." --Exodus 31:6-11.

God gave to all the craftsmen of the Tabernacle the specific skills they needed to complete the tasks He created them for...nothing more, nothing less. It is the same for us in the body of Christ. He gives us the gifts and the passions to do what it is that we can bring Him the most glory in. He shapes a path for us in this earthly life that will lead the most people to Him. He knows the end from the beginning, so of course He knows better than we do why things are happening.

"The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" --Proverbs 20:24.

I am fully confident that my God has given me all that I need for the step that I am on in this journey of life...and I won't receive the next portion until He moves me a step further.